Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
