theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
