im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
