My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I supernannyed him into submission
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
