I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
