So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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