i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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