can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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