Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
We named our party play list daddy issues
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
