My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
