what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
