just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
