quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
