so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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