I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
