I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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