No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
