Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
