Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
We don't watch enough power rangers
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
