I can tuck mytits in my pants
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Damn victory sex feels great
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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