When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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