you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
