Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
