meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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