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• (650): View more from California

  they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.

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• (226): View more from Ontario

  I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..

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• (914): View more from New York

  Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off

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• (921): View more from

  Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.

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• (408): View more from California

  Dude, that was like bongs ago.

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• (714): View more from California

  I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.

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• (586): View more from Michigan

  All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday

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