just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
