I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
