This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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