we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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