wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
