My liver just broke up with me...
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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