i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
