Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
