That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
whose ass print is on the piano?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
