Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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