porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
