The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
