Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
did you just send me my own nude
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
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