What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
