Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize