we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
