I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
