They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize