I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
