How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
