don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
