Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
