i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
