Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
