Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
