So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
