I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
