the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Sext me about skeletons
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
