Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
