is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize