grandma shit on top of the toilet
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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