You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
