I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i out mim tonsoeep
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