why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
