i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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