I am full of burrito and curiosity
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize