one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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