I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My penis needs a shock collar
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
