Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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