She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Randomize
