And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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