So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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