bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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