it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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