I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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