I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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