you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
