There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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