I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
