I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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