We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
