She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
