I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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